THE JOURNEY: We Must Tell Our Story by Mizzou Alum Xavier Billingsley

We all have been watching the events at University of Missouri and other universities unfold! Many  of us have identified with the protests because of our personal experiences while others have relied on the news to tell us what's going on. But we haven't really heard from the students themselves. I was really moved by a post from friend and colleague, Xavier Billingsley about his experience at Mizzou. 

Many friends have asked me about my experiences at Mizzou. As black Mizzou alum, I am going to try my best to articulate my time at Mizzou being ‪#‎BlackOnCampus‬ in hopes that it could provide courage and understanding to my friends, colleagues, and family at Mizzou. Here’s my contribution: 

Let me first say that I love Mizzou…..I really, wholeheartedly have a love and passion for the place we call The University of Missouri. I love the people, the buildings, and the education I received there. 

One of the first people I met at Mizzou was Nathan Stephens (the director of the BCC at the time). I still to this day remember the session Nathan led at Summer Welcome. Specifically, he told us about the few black barbershops and salons in the area as well as other black-owned businesses. Also, I remember Mizzou Black Men’s Initiative starting. Through my four years on campus, I would mildly interact with the BCC socially, but instead chose to enroll in a plethora of African American studies courses. These courses truly helped me with my identify as a black male.

There were no other African-American men on my dorm floor and the only other African American in proximity was Allie Bass We both endured sly comments, jokes, and inappropriate questions from dorm residents regarding race. 

As I got older, my friend circle broadened and I had the opportunity to do some pretty amazing things. By far, one of the best experiences I had was serving as the Missouri Students Association (MSA) President. Some of my closest friends came from that experience and I worked with some of America’s greatest administrators. People like Dr. Brady Deaton, Mike Middleton, Dr. DeAngela Burns-Wallace, Laura Hacquard, Kathy Murray, and Kim Dude (to name a few) made my time as MSA President amazing. Specifically, I remember confiding in Mike Middleton for just about everything, he was the only person on the Chancellor’s staff who looked like me and someone I could really relate to. 

I quickly learned that a majority vote in a student body election doesn’t automatically protect you from racism. As one of 3 black MSA Presidents ever, I can assure you that you can still be called a coon, nigger, or monkey AND be the student body president at the University of Missouri. I remember administrators telling me I was “articulate”. I remember the then chair of the faculty council telling me that I was always “angry”, perpetuating the theme of an angry black man. When we were fighting for a required, in class diversity course in 2012, a member of the all-white faculty council used the phrase “those people”. When certain departments at MU needed a “diverse face” to lobby on the hill or attend an event with liberal donors who they thought appreciated, I was called up by development. Even the leadership of the Maneater at the time, treated me poorly. This attitude, transcended to their inappropriate reporting and severely lacked journalistic integrity. 

After being crowned homecoming king, these issues didn’t change. I still received weird questions from fellow students, faculty, and staff. By the end of 2012, I was tired and had to get away. I left Mizzou and took a for-credit internship with the U.S. Embassy in Jamaica. It ended up being one of the best decisions I made. With the help of Dr. DeAngela Burns-Wallace, I was awarded the Rangel Fellowship for graduate school and later joined the Foreign Service. 

I am not blaming racism as a reason I left Mizzou early, but I will say that it was taken into account. Students are living this life daily, and money or positions don't save you from this. These campus incidents have started a plethora of hard conversations that have been long overdue. To my fellow Mizzou friends who don’t seem to understand, please know that this is real. Trust that this is not a figment of my imagination or the young students who have been brave enough to talk about their experiences. No amount of money, privilege, or power can take away your blackness. Our job as alums and friends of the university is to support their peaceful protesting and their dialogue for change. I know it is ugly now, but we will achieve success on the other side.